So... tonight wasn't as awful as I had feared. Vile Princess is terrified of the hurricane Irene. She lives on the river and "just knew" that her apartment was going to be flooded. I explained that we're several hundred miles from the coast and will probably have nothing more than some big winds.
She shook her head frantically and pointed to the satellite image. "It's headed right to us!" I grabbed her Mountain Dew bottle and blew, waving my hand behind it. See... wind felt here but stopped by the hills. Hooray for the Appalachians!
Now I'm her new BFF and she was positively sweet to me for the rest of the night. I hope her memory lasts. Wish me luck tomorrow!!