Sucky Happiness

It's been some time since I've been here!

I stumbled and tripped and eventually failed anatomy by 3 (three!!!!) points.  Out of 550.  That SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. It still sucks.  I'll need to remediate over the summer.  Sucky.

I've spoken with a dean of student affairs and have contacted our learning center peeps for advice but haven't told anyone else (like family).  I'm too embarrassed. 

It was so frustrating; I honored every other course and even scored perfectly on the radiology final. I'm not stupid. I'm not. I swear. Three points!

I'm so happy to be in physiology. It's amazing how much easier it is for me to study. It's like a never-ending fountain of really cool, useful information. I can seriously lose hours chasing down information...

This semester is also bunches less isolating than last. I've finally found a small group of like-minded dedicated, irreverent and curious study partners.  One of our assignments for the 'doctoring' course was to take a personality test. It turns out everyone in my study group is an INTJ.  We're basically rational curious and pedantic people who don't do feelings.  It's an awesome experience to meet up after lecture to argue with people about the role, if any, that plasma skimming has in the delineation of pulmonary zones. (you know... zones 1-3 and their ventilation efficiency).  It reminds me of my high school physics class and the arguments of black hole gravitational forces that I'd have with my friends while playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (I was always a tree-climbing elf- FYI)... completely irrelevant to the required class material but so interesting...

So.. despite my sucky sucky nightmare of having to repeat anatomy... life is pretty awesome. And I'm happy.

Cheers. :D

Deflated Like a Flan in a Cupboad*

*partial Eddie Izzard quote..



So my romance with the musician fizzled. All I wanted to do was talk about anything but school and all he wanted was to hear stories about medical school.  Besides, he wouldn't listen to any music but his own. Not cool.

The first block of classes has successfully ended. Starting off with material that was familiar and came easily had spoiled me. Now, I'm nervous to all git about this new block: DUM DA DUM... anatomy!...

I like concepts, pick them up pretty quickly and love figuring new ways to apply them. Going into exams for cellular bio, chemistry or the MCAT (I can't believe that I'm admitting this...), I would secretly get excited like I was starting a new trivia pursuit game. Woohoo! A challenge! It was easy to see the trees and not the forest. I would approach each question like I was playing Whac-A-Mole.  Long confusing question? BAM! Knock that varmint back in the hole. I would leave the test giddy for all the rodents I had smushed and unconcerned about the few that I knew I missed. We all miss some of the little buggers when they pop up. The significance of the test in the grand scheme never really occurred to me until long after the effect.  My nerves have always twisted in those spare seconds before opening the results.

Well.. I just can't seem to get excited about anatomy. No game, nothing to figure out, either I memorized the material or I didn't. I'm really a pretty lazy person and an easily distractible one. This is something of a nightmare: sitting down for four months of nothing but brute memorization on an epic scale.

It's going to be an amazing struggle to keep up with the material. Bah.

Oh.. and herb plant numera tres esta muerta. Descanse en paz, Aloysia Citrodora...

Friday Night, Weekend pre-Exam

Our first two exams menacingly loom over Monday morning.  I was managing just fine until this past Wednesday, when the lecturer piled 65 densely packed slides of intricate reaction mechanisms over 150 assigned pages of reading. Some of it was familiar; much was new minutiae. Ugh.

She repeated this distribution level both Thursday and today so I now have a mountain of new information to conquer before the weekend is out.

I'm in pretty good shape. I knew last week's material cold and have some familiarity with that of this week. I really feel for my classmates who don't have my chemistry background. They have a Herculean task. I think I'd rather steal the golden fleece, myself.

Anyway, I set up a study schedule and because I'm sacrificing my weekend to the (greater good?) of acing my first exams, I decided to treat myself to a pre-celebratory sushi dinner.

I walked down to the neighborhood sushi bar with my (amazing) Ipad full of notes and readings and snuggled into the banquette at a corner table overlooking the bustling bar.  Glass of wine in hand and saba sashimi on the way, I began to review ubiquitin modification in DNA repair. (awesome right? yawn.)

Losing myself in the notes, I didn't notice the couple next to me until the lady asked me what I was studying. I glanced down at my pad and then back to her smiling face and said. "Biology".

"Oh! Are you in nursing school?"

I smiled at her (I get that question a lot). I'm sometimes embarrassed to reveal that I'm in medical school; I don't want to EVER seem to be boasting and it's the type of confession that provokes preconceptions. Nonetheless...

"Medical. I'm at BCMS." (inner grin-thrilled at the self-reminder)

Gasp. Pause. Blurt.

"I've never seen a chubby med student before!" I could tell by her face, she was mortified at what slipped out.  I couldn't help my sharp shocked bark of laughter. Sometimes people just say the most awesome things.

"Oh. They make rare exceptions for really brilliant applicants." This was one of those rare times when my witty comeback didn't wait to 'come back' several hours after the fact.  Hee. She and her friend quickly settled their bill and I ordered a second glass of wine and some edamame.

I'm so glad I did! The next resident of the table turned out to be an adorable late seventies gentleman in a straw boater with a pale blue ribbon. He was unfamiliar with sushi but looking to be adventurous. We chatted; I gave him my recommendations and he told me about trying new things since his wife died.  I 'wasted' an hour of study time (totally worth it) meeting the character I hope I become when I grow up.

We left at the same time, hugged outside the restaurant and I turned to watch him stroll away, dapper with cane in hand.