Library Living and Immunology Tempers

Immunology Tempers:

Our class schedule was packed this week; they decided to cram a full week into 4 days to give us Friday off for the holiday. Nobody is actually taking the day 'off'. We're just independently studying.

We also had several small group study sessions. During one, my group was confused about some concepts and we asked the facilitator for clarification. He stood at the opposite end of the table and went off on a tangent, often stopping mid-sentence for several long moments. The group was silent, waiting for him to make his point, hoping that anything he said would be useful to our discussion. After a pause that went on, and on, and on, his eyes flared and he burst out in irritation: "WHAT!? you want me to give you the answers?!" I thought he was going to turn and twist someone's head off in rage.  He didn't even talk about the issue at hand. We were discussing an ascites problem and he was going on about hormones and birth control.  It was bizarre.

We averted our eyes and lowered our heads to our assignment, waiting until he walked away before whispering about how weird it was.  We never did come up with the right answer.

Library Living:

When I first moved to Seattle, it took 6 months for me to get around to buying furniture. I had been sleeping on an air mattress and my belongings were still in boxes though I was doing this underneath the window of an amazing view. I lived next door to Fisher Plaza (where the helicopter lands in the opening credits of Grey's Anatomy). The Space Needle and Puget Sound were RIGHT THERE. Amazing.

I had spent the previous years living a nomadic life, working seasonally in different national parks. I learned to travel lightly. 

Anyhow, my mom decided to come out to spend Christmas with me so I caved and went out to buy stuff to put my stuff on.

Over the years, I slowly began to appreciate the joy of nesting. Then, I had to move cross country (again) at a moment's notice. Circumstances required that I essentially live out of a suitcase for a couple of years. I did eventually settle into a postage stamp that was labeled a studio (seriously: 220sq ft) but I knew that I would be relocating within months for school, ergo, no nesting.

Now, I'm in a lovely studio (it's 533 sq feet- palatial!) and I  know that I'll be here for a minimum of 4 years, maybe even 8 (depending on residency placement). I've been nesting galore. I've also become addicted to websites like Apartment Therapy and Houzz- always looking for new ideas to improve my home.

Today, Apartment Therapy had a post about getting rid of books. Laugh. I've written before about my feelings on the subject. I do believe that the little critters spore when we're not looking (and eat our socks).  When I moved out here last summer, I came with, maybe, 300 volumes and the collection has not grown at the rate it had in the past, I've been busy with other things...

Nonetheless,  it has grown beyond the capacity of the built-in bookshelves. 

 On the shelves, I've kept (mostly) fiction to the left of the mantel, non fiction to the right.

Some of the mini-collections that have broken off are practical.

 

On this table are those books that I most often lend out.

Within reach while I'm at my desk, I've piled my school books on the radiator. Don't worry, I've turned the radiator off. My apartment is small, landlords are generous with the heat, so the radiator in the bathroom is sufficient to heat the place.

 

On my nightstand are the books currently on my list to read- well, except for the Viet Nam tour guide. I flip thru that when I want to escape. I'll pretend I'm back skinny-dipping in a secluded cove in Halong bay with the phosphorescent plankton. "sigh".

The rest of the groupings, I've arranged to amuse myself- like when I hung one of my Rorschach inkblots upside down. No one else ever notices but it makes me laugh.

 On my desk, I've gathered my 'rebel books'. Starting off with the Widow Clicquot- a woman who saved the champagne industry (yay- love champagne) back when women couldn't do much of anything. When I get my biography of Eleanor of Aquitaine back, it goes here. I also have a history of 'bad girls', Lisa Randall's (the awesome physicist) warped passages,  A history of castrated singers, the philosophy of John S. Mill (total feminist) and Martin Page's "How I became Stupid" to remind myself not to take life so seriously.  Oh and a new Bollywood movie- I'll watch it in stages at my desk over the next few weeks.

The rest of the 'vignettes' are basically book pairings that make me chuckle.

 

A history of the Amish: A history of the Tramp in America

Freiden's "Feminine Mystique": Michel Foucault 

 

Hitchen's Mother Teresa espose: A history of Courtesans

An American Indian History of Wounded Knee: a book of Kashmiri sayings

Am I outing myself as a complete nerd?

Well, I started this post to show the ways that I've accommodated my library growth then veered onto a tangent so I guess poking fun at my facilitator just might break some of my windows (stones, glass houses blah blah.) 

Oh: here's my bathroom addition: instead of studying last night, I made pompoms!

 

 

 

 

Bathroom Dreaming....

So I've been tackling one 'nesting project' a week.  School's much much better btw.. I adore physiology; everything (well, mostly) is really interesting. We've just started immunology too. Booyaah!

Anyway, back to my weekly projects: this past month, I've been focusing on the bathroom. I've always dreamed (hence the post title) of a spa tub with a tropical view. I know, I know.. Winter rental in Chicago? A room that I can't paint or make other major changes? I might as well shoot for a moon spa with a great view of the earth.  But I just finished this morning's goal of adding stones along the tub and am thrilled with the result.

The bathroom isn't finished. I found an old mirror at a thrift store and plan on gluing broken bits of granite tile and leftover stones and 'frosting' the remainder with some blue spray paint to imitate a waterfall. I'll place it behind the planter.  I hope that I can keep enough of the reflective properties to increase natural light in that corner but disguise them so I don't have to stare at myself naked in the shower.  I'm allowing myself a couple of weeks to finish that project.  But here's the bathroom as is for now.

 

I brought the conical hat and the print back from Viet Nam. 

 

Orchids were $6.99 at Trader Joes. I spent $15.00 for the black stones and found the wood border (I think it is scrap from the apartment building cabinetry) in the basement. I glued a couple of slivers of sponge to the bottom to give it traction. That and the weight of the stones keep it firmly in place.

 

The planter and plants were $21.00 from Kmart. I used blue electrical tape on the pot the Dracaena came in.  Ceramic pots are expensive!

 

I'll use tiles like these for the 'waterfall' thingamajig. They're only 1.50 each at Home Depot! The vases were made by a friend in upstate NY and the fish are actually ceramic knobs from the Mackenzie-Childs barn sale (years ago).

 

This was a baby spider plant from my Gram's house and she made the hummingbird out of a pine cone. 

 

Well, there you have it. Now try to imagine it with a fabulous (laugh) waterfall-mirror thing behind the planter. 

Cheers.

Updated Photographs

Here's are the links to the pictorial evolution this past year of my bedroom & living room:

north living room & sunroom
south living room
west living room
east living room
east bedroom
west bedroom 

Sucky Happiness

It's been some time since I've been here!

I stumbled and tripped and eventually failed anatomy by 3 (three!!!!) points.  Out of 550.  That SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. It still sucks.  I'll need to remediate over the summer.  Sucky.

I've spoken with a dean of student affairs and have contacted our learning center peeps for advice but haven't told anyone else (like family).  I'm too embarrassed. 

It was so frustrating; I honored every other course and even scored perfectly on the radiology final. I'm not stupid. I'm not. I swear. Three points!

I'm so happy to be in physiology. It's amazing how much easier it is for me to study. It's like a never-ending fountain of really cool, useful information. I can seriously lose hours chasing down information...

This semester is also bunches less isolating than last. I've finally found a small group of like-minded dedicated, irreverent and curious study partners.  One of our assignments for the 'doctoring' course was to take a personality test. It turns out everyone in my study group is an INTJ.  We're basically rational curious and pedantic people who don't do feelings.  It's an awesome experience to meet up after lecture to argue with people about the role, if any, that plasma skimming has in the delineation of pulmonary zones. (you know... zones 1-3 and their ventilation efficiency).  It reminds me of my high school physics class and the arguments of black hole gravitational forces that I'd have with my friends while playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons (I was always a tree-climbing elf- FYI)... completely irrelevant to the required class material but so interesting...

So.. despite my sucky sucky nightmare of having to repeat anatomy... life is pretty awesome. And I'm happy.

Cheers. :D

Homestretch with a Limp

I hate anatomy and I hate how my instructors are teaching it.  Their personalities are fun and their talks can be really entertaining but they're incredibly sexist: 64 slides on the male lower abdomen and sexual organs, ONE slide on the female anatomy, not a single female specific anatomy part on our 'to find' list but 18 male specific anatomy parts and yes we do have female cadavers.  I could go on and on with other examples***. I worry that it's not preparing us enough for the boards and clinical but more so I worry that this sort of sexism is pervasive throughout medicine and the course teaches for that.

This block has been tortuous. I've struggled to keep my motivation and bombed my first two exams. I need an 85% on our final to pass the course. I've been gunning the last couple of weeks because the idea of having to repeat this is about the worst nightmare I can think of right now. Besides, if I fail, I lose my scholarship thus costing me 60K. How's that for a perspective?

Last Friday, we had our 1st year radiology final. It was an independent study course that paralleled topics that we covered in our other classes.  The game of identifying different structures on different films was awesome.  I did well on it and it gave me some much needed confidence and motivation. Anatomy isn't medicine... Anatomy isn't medicine...

I have 4 more exams, including anatomy, in the next two weeks. Then, absolute, no guilt for not studying freedom.


*** Ok, one more example: 'fun' slides demonstrating aging included before/after photographs. For the male examples, we were given various faculty members and politicians. As women, we're expected to age like Sophia Loren and Madonna. ARGGHHHH! Seriously?????

Invisible

I've noticed a number of constants over the last few weeks of this course.  It took me a little while because our lecturers are fun. They joke with each other, poke fun at their favorite students and make a hard (boring) subject entertaining.

They also don't see the 40% of the class that carry two Xs.

None of the students pimped are women. Not ONCE have I heard a female name called out.  There's no negativity towards us; we're just ignored.

No examples in any of the pathological examples in lecture are female bodies.

And today during an embryology lecture on the face, the composite photo of variability examples consisted of:

Men                                                       Women
1. Harry Truman                                        1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Michael Jordan                                       2. little Pakistani girl
3.  A 40 something Asian Violinist               3. a perfectly symmetrical Asian teen model
4. Dwight Eisenhower                                4. A very young Sharon Stone
5.  A Caucasian Marine                              5. Tyra Banks
6.  Morgan Freeman
7. Geraldo Rivera

Seriously, am I reading too much into this? That the examples of 'variability' for us women are 4 western-world-idealized women and a child?

Celebration

So... to celebrate that I scored precisely 5 out of 58 on the practice anatomy practical tonight.. (EEK!)
I've compiled two top 5 lists.

Things that I misplace daily (which is really annoying)

1.  The lens cloth for my glasses.  My glasses are chronically smudged and I've an unhealthy dependence on wiping them, an act I perform several times an hour.  You can call my microfiber lens cloth my security blanket. I refuse to use anything else (besides kimwipes swiped from the lab in desperation) because a) glasses scratch really easily and b) they're insanely expensive.  Last night, I emerged from my apartment after 11:00 for the 24 drug store because I direly needed a new cloth. They're like those single socks in the dryer; they up and disappear. This morning, the cloth was gone. Seriously. I set it on my counter and it walked away while I was sleeping.

2. My Ipod nano. It disappears from the gym bag pocket that's its home on a weekly basis only to return (after tearing apartment apart in search) to that same pocket. It's like the traveling garden gnome; at times I half expect postcards of 1.98x10^14 fathoms per fortnight (my nano's moniker because I really am that dorky) posed on the Great Wall.

3. Any important mail. I have the horrible horrible habit of sticking it in the book that I'm currently reading. When I go to retrieve it, I have to try to remember which volume du jour it had been. Books spore you know. You think that you have only a few hundred but then.. you blink... a week passes.. and suddenly you're tearing through thousands looking for the stupid electric bill.

4. My Ipad stylus. Despite the fact that it has an established home, like fathoms- it has pathological wanderlust. I put it in the same pocket of my bag after every class but when I return to put it to work, it's gone! I swear the Bermuda Triangle is legitimate, effective and exists in my bag.

5. My cell phone.  I actually don't have a problem with its disappearance days on end. I don't use my phone very often and my family has learned that email is a much more reliable way to get a hold of me. It usually will turn up randomly like when I'm putting groceries away or running a load of laundry.

List II : things my cat eats that she shouldn't

1. My houseplants. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. HAS. BEEN. DESTROYED.

2. My remaining windowsill herb.  Apparently, cats love basil.

3. My Ipad charger.  ARGGHH!

4.  Used Qtips. She unlatched the bathroom door, opened the cupboard and dug out the Qtips. She was on a mission!

5.  My favorite pre-school splurge:

Sigh.... I really liked those shoes.

Dangling Threads

So far the greatest challenge of medical school for me has been keeping track of all the random ridiculous things that I'm responsible for.

Coming in, I had feared most that I wouldn't be able to manage the actual academics. The coursework though, has been really manageable. In contrast to undergrad, all the professors want us to succeed and work to make things clear and graspable. It's been pretty effortless to do well on the exams.

The overall BCMS organization is really confusing though. There's a daily class calender on our homepage but there are three other websites with pertinent info that we need to be constantly up on.

For example, a couple of months ago, we had a meeting listed on our daily calendar about a mandatory project.  The group of us went and during the meeting discovered that we had been required to watch a video beforehand. I had looked around the lecture hall and saw the same WTF faces on everyone else.  Afterwards, I spent 45 MINUTES hunting for any clue about the prereq or the video itself. Finally, after discovering, thru a link on a link, I found the assignment. Crap.

During that same hunt, I had stumbled on a service requirement that's due this coming week. Fortunately I made a note then and there and have been assiduously keeping at it. The assignment suggested going to two school departments for assistance but when I went, the folks there had no clue what was required. It seems the project is brand new to our particular class. But there has been no other mention anywhere else. Yesterday, I posted on our class facebook page reminding people about it and immediately received dozens of responses. It seemed that no one else had even known it existed.

It's been a reoccurring nightmare that I overlook something and fall into serious trouble with the school.

Well, this morning, I received THE EMAIL. For every completed course, every individual student is required to complete evaluations. The powers-that-be even send out email reminders.  There's even a tab on our homepage leading to the evaluation forms. Believe me, remembering all 20 lecturers for a particular course in order to evaluate them individually is a chore but I pushed through it. Well, it turns out that we're also responsible for evaluating the course in its entirety, link found on a different previously unknown website. Oops.

It burns me that I first hear about this requirement through an email telling me that I didn't complete them and my permanent record has been tagged with a 'concern for professionalism'. I can't help but wonder how many BCMS graduates have been 'tagged for unprofessionalism' because of the insane, confusing way the school HIDES the requirements we are supposed to fulfill. I hope if most of us get a tag here or there, it doesn't make a difference overall. It almost makes me regret letting my classmates know about the service assignment. I could have had lots of company in my unprofessional behavior.

I guess it's an augury for what my future as a physician will be: lot's of weaving unnecessary dangling threads (insurance, paperwork, bureaucracy etc) into a blanket while trying to improve patients' health.

ARGHH!  I want to SCREAM!!