Choices

I've narrowed my school choices down to two. One is in a small city just a couple of hours from my family and the other is in one of my favorite metropolitan areas a long flight from home.

Both schools are wonderful, state of the art and awash with opportunities for their students.

This is the first time that I've ever been so excited to make such a hard decision.

I'm tempted to choose metropolis because the program starts a month before small city and I can't wait to get started!!

I'm loving life right now!

I've also fallen in love :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRPwFAoQwxc&feature=relmfu

I know.. I know.. but his voice is haunting.

Sheepishness

After my last 'oh woe is me..' post, I've actually had a good time at work and made plans to share some vino and conversation with one of the new nurses.

We've discovered a mutual appreciation for Bollywood movies and the absolute awesomeness of SRK.



She's new to the area and I think that she's lonely too.

I've got an interview in Chicago next month for school. I'm excited. I love Chicago!

Laziness and Loneliness

I'm lonely.

When I moved back from the west coast to my itty-bitty industrial town, my life changed completely. During the subsequent two years when my time was consumed with caring for my mother, my smart, stimulating and worldly friends across the continent dropped away. I just hadn't the time to nurture our relationships.

I'm trying to create new stimulating relationships but apparently I'm weird.

My nursing coworkers, the pinnacle of education in this working class town, are consumed entirely with creating and raising families, getting married or engaged. We're friendly enough at work but I so miss talking with people about things beyond our immediate sphere of family and work.

Those who read, read Twilight and the Hunger Games. They tease (not maliciously) me about the books that I bring in and I can't find any interest in the antics of Belle or Edward.

Growing up here, I was the lonely little girl in the tree with a book fantasizing about evading the trolls below. When I left at eighteen, I discovered a wonderful world full of fascinating curious people who read, traveled, explored cultures, food and art, fought for environmental preservation and human rights. They celebrated their own uniqueness and seemed to appreciate mine. I swore that I'd never return to this area.

Then dad got sick and mom got sick and I again was tethered.

I know that the end is in sight; I'll be leaving in a few months and re-entering a world of more curious people.

This last year has been brutal though. Those who have applied to medical school probably remember how demoralizing the process is. You basically rip your life and history apart, present the pieces to anonymous adcoms and wait for them to decide that you're lacking. With the deaths of my parents and my relocation thousands of miles and several time zones away from my friends, I lost all of my social and emotional support.

Every time that someone I work with asked why my applications were failing, I withered away a little more. Trying to explain the immense competition involved came across as just defensive and it showed in their expressions.

Emotionally, I'm hibernating now. The acceptance that I received validated me in a way that I could have never predicted. My intellectual loneliness isn't so severe now that I know that it's finite.

I don't feel defensive anymore when people insinuate that I'm lazy because I don't plan on working through medical school. I can just wait a few short, yet impossibly long, months and I'll be with folks who'll understand that I'm not lazy.

I'm grinning now in anticipation. I know that I'm leaving an intellectual desert to conquer an ocean of knowledge. It'll be hard, I know, but it'll never be as hard as the last few years of dehydration. It can't be.

Directions

One of the new attendings came up to me today and asked for directions. She was new to the area and not sure on how to get home. She lives next to a major landmark and the drive is pretty straight forward from the hospital, a two-turn trip.

Because she seemed so dubious about my verbal directions, I drew a little map.

Still hesitant, she gratefully watched as I pulled up the google maps version.

Aha!

As she was walking away, I called out: "do you want the map?"

"Oh no, I'll just GPS it. Thanks."

We all laughed about it the rest of the night. So ridiculous!


BTW: Interview invitation Numero Dos esta noche!! ole!

Missing Disappointment on a Perfect Day

It was the perfect day to be disappointed. Early morning, I walked home underneath soft fluffy snowflakes. The crystal crusted arms of the trees had stolen the stars from the sky. Lavender and magenta streaks of cloud welcomed the sun.

At home, I mixed a new batch of Chai using English breakfast tea and an extra clove. Lovely. I deeply breathed in the steam and melted against the arms of an overstuffed loveseat.

Wiggling my toes in my new fuzzy socks, I pulled my legs underneath me and opened my laptop.

I opened the email from the medical school that interviewed me. My vision went blurry with moisture (I blame the steam of the tea). I reread it twice. My heart thumped.

All that disappointment I had bolstered myself against dissipated.

I got in!!


I didn't realize the stress I had felt the duration of this year until the moment of its disappearance.

I'm going to be a doctor!

No Idea

I have no real idea of how my interview went. My interviewer was very nice and the hour we spent together was relaxed and conversational. We chatted about travel and ancient history. He seemed impressed that I had read Pliny, knew the different historical names of Istanbul and that Alexander the great was from Macedonia.

He asked me why I had gone to a community college before a 'really hard school' and about my mother's illness and pulmonary hemorrhage.

I asked about the clinical rotations during third/fourth year and the new simulation center.

He didn't ask me questions about what I was currently doing or give me any ethical stumpers to deal with.

I got a really good vibe from the school. The current students were very friendly and candid and the other interviewees were amiable.

It would be so nice to be accepted.

Thursday Interview

My first (and thus far, only) medical school interview is this Thursday. I had hoped that I would have heard from another school by now. I'm incredibly stressed that this may be my one and only chance.

I decided to splurge and spend $30 more on a hotel room within walking distance to the campus.

My aunt- the crazy (in a fun way) one who took me on my first trip abroad (Turkey) wants to go with me. My youngest uncle lives nearby in an institution for developmentally disabled and she wants to visit him while I'm on campus.

I'm torn. It'll be nice to have someone there afterwards to talk about the experience but I'm afraid that she'll be critical of my weirdness beforehand (you know- waking up 4 hours early to obsess over my hair, clothes, review possible questions/answers etc). Besides, she doesn't really sleep. I learned that early during our Turkish adventure. I'm working the night shift all this week and will probably want to rest most of the day before the interview.

One of my favorite patients died yesterday. I found out through the hospital grapevine that he had been readmitted at the other hospital in our system for pneumonia and quickly crashed. He had been a quadriplegic who just conquered all obstacles. He ran his own business, drove and just celebrated life. It breaks my heart that someone so strong and inspirational is gone. RIP Dwayne. You'll be missed.

Book

I spent hours and hours writing my med school applications. Now that they're done, I'm at loose ends and am trying very hard not to obsess over my statuses. Watched pot and all that...

So I've spent the last few weeks maintaining that creative momentum and focusing it into a story.

I am writing an FBI/armed forces thriller. Ha ha ha ha! It's absolutely ridiculous but I'm having so much fun. I've done a lot of research and am surprised at how much I've learned.

I was never really interested in military history before. Now I have a new appreciation for what my grandfather must have experienced as a ranger in the 6th Battalion during WW2. How I wish now that I had the knowledge/interest to talk to him about his experiences before he died. I didn't even realize before the significance of his being a ranger, a member of the special forces. It's thrilling to have have a personal connection to something that is so romanticized now. I'm trying to balance the romance with reality in my story.

I've fleshed out the plot and have composed about 60 pages but the more I research, the more I have to add to my story. I know that I'll probably never finish it but the process is, so far, fantastic.

New Digs

I'm settling into my new apartment. It's a tiny studio in an old Victorian house with ceilings higher than the room is wide...

I'm using an old refurbished library study table for dining.

I last rented a mother-in-law basement apartment, draped in grapevines and filled with books, that I christened the li-burrow. I haven't yet thought of a clever name for this new place. I'll post some more photos when I finally organize the living/bedroom. It's filled with boxes now and not very inspirational.

We have a patient at work. I'm not able to express the turmoil that this patient throws the hospital into when (s)he is here. I've been on the unit for over a year an this is the second visit. It's an incredibly stressful time for nursing staff, manager and hospital administration. This patient only comes to our floor for reasons that I can't go into without violating HIPAA. I can only say that they're unique and awful. I'm not experienced or clever enough to adequately change the details and still portray the magnitude of this person's effect on us. We get extra staff and the nursing supervisor relocates her center of command to our floor for the duration of the patient's stay. It doesn't help with the stress levels of the nursing staff. My manager hand selects the staff assigned to the room. Though he picks his most reliable, most patient and most experienced, it's not an honor.

The last time, the patient stayed 2 months. I'm not looking forward to another two months of complete anxiety before every shift. Bah.

I received my first med school interview offer. I'm thrilled but my loneliness yesterday was amplified in my hunt for someone to share my excitement. I mentioned it to my coworkers but they were more concerned that this means I may not be there next year. My brother disapproves of my ambition (I'm too old) and my west coast friends couldn't talk last night.

I'm still excited though!!

Rejected and Dejected.

I received my first rejection today and to my first choice. It had been a shoot-for-the-moon dream but it still stings. I haven't heard anything positive yet. I'm trying very hard not to be pessimistic.

"Now Comes Good Sailing"

I'm heading deep into the woods to my family's little cabin. This next week, I'm vacationing from people a la Thoreau; major break but with the occasional visitor. Here's hoping I can use this time to finish the rest of my school applications. I'm only halfway done and it's already late August!

Today is my birthday. When I blow out my candles, I'll wish for my parents back.

I'll leave you with a list:

1. The Crawling Eye
2. Jodhaa Akbar
3. Wit
4. Down by Law
5. Office Space
6. Guru (the one with Aish and Abhishek)
7. Starship Troopers
8. Stand by Me
9. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
10. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

*honorable mentions..
Dhoom 2 -but only because I'm totally in love w/ Hrithik Roshan
Dead Man -because Jim Jarmusch is a GENIUS
Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade- do I really need to explain this one?
Shawshank Redemption- this was actually on my top 10 until I thought about Sierra Madre, which won out by a hair

Fun Fact of the day: Katharine Hepburn's mother, Katharine Martha Houghton was the cofounder of Planned Parenthood with Margaret Sanger.