Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label journey. Show all posts

Sunday, March 30, 2014

And Things Escalate....

Spring Break is over but spring hasn't yet decided to arrive.  We have 5 weeks left of classes, 14 exams, 2 papers and 6 independent learning nodules to complete.  Then the studying really begins, the school gives us 4 weeks for intensive independent cramming for the boards. One week off  (during which- I'll be helping my brother move into his new house- Jeez, he has several tons of stuff) and then I start my 3rd year clinical rotations.  It'll be a kick-off into Ob-Gyn. 

If I had time to think about it, I'd be so excited/terrified to start. 

This week, one of our professors was hospitalized. A hospital chaplain stopped by our lecture hall and lead a class prayer for recovery and our class president sent around a collection for flowers & a card to sign.  Later that afternoon, during a small group study session, I asked Prez how Prof was doing. He said that Dr. P was doing much better & was being discharged the next morning. 

I then asked what he was hospitalized for.  Prez flew off the handle. He raised his voice (in the library- which was embarrassing) and told me that it was none of my business and completely inappropriate that I had the balls (his word, not mine) to ask. He then gave me a mini lecture on HIPAA and suggested that I think a little more about the ethics of the field that I was training for. 

Though I was completely taken aback (and annoyed) by his (dickish) reaction, it made me reflect. I know that the prof's illness is none of my business and that chipping in $10 for flowers doesn't give me any right to information about it.  I certainly wouldn't have approached one of his caregivers and I would have respected my classmate's reluctance to share if he was uncomfortable sharing what the prof told him in private.  I'm quite offended though to have been told off for being nosy and unprofessional.  They (the school and our class prez) solicited my prayers and money regarding this hospitalization. They engaged me in this. It is a medical school and we're all (supposed to be) curious about medicine. Was I out of line to ask?

What do you think, dear Internets? 

Here are some photos of my Seattle trip:
 These 'reeds' are just north of the Needle in Seattle Center.

 A sculpture in the center of the universe (Fremont)

 Apparently, Seattle has no zoning limitations on some farm animals.

 Le Pichet is, hands-down, one of my favorite restaurants in the world.  It's a perfect example of the casual-French bistro without the French Attitude.

 A view from McCaw Hall.


Downtown Seattle from across the way @ the Harbour Pub on Bainbridge.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Settling In

So I've unpacked and organized all of my stuff.  The apartment is small and technically a studio (though there's an alcove between the entryway and the kitchen- meant to be a dining area- I made it into a little bedroom.) It's clean with high ceilings, beautiful floors and tons of light.  I'm thrilled knowing that I'll have at least four years here. I finally have a home.

The last three years have been tumultuous for me.  I spent most of 2009 in a strange city, surfing the couches of friends of friends. My mom had had a bilat lung transplant and it hadn't gone well. Long story short: she spent 4 months post op in the ccu, graduated to the step-down vent rehab unit, crashed, back in ccu for 5 months, stabilized, transferred to another strange city to a LTACH for 3 months. SIRS -> MODS then she died.  The summer before her transplant, I arranged to finish my final undergrad requirements online and moved from Seattle to the east coast to take over as her caregiver, POA and medical proxy. After her death, we put the house on the market. I stayed there to keep it up and make necessary improvements but I continued to live out of my suitcase, not knowing when I'd have to up and move.

When we finally sold the house, I moved into a tiny studio knowing that I'd be moving for school in 8 months. So it never really became home.

Now... I can plan things like my window sill herb garden and the tomato plants I'll grow over the winter.  I grew these from seed- the far lower pot was the coriander that hadn't survived the 900 mile journey.

I also have a separate desk from my dining table! I'm so excited that in just a few weeks, I won't have to pack up all of my study materials to have a meal!

I'm living in a vibrant beautiful stimulating city. I have a home. I'm going back to school!  I'm on my toes with anticipation and happiness. Ironically, these are the times that I most acutely feel the absence of my parents. I so wish I could share the excitement of my future with them.

On another positive note: My cousin Becks, the crack addict, went through rehab a few months ago and has completely turned his life around. He's doing fabulously. He's out of a toxic relationship, has a new job and is really stepping up as a dad. I'm so proud of him!


Friday, May 4, 2012

Countdown

It's the homestretch of my life at U8; tonight marked shift 10 in my countdown. I'm thrilled to be moving on and immersing myself in school but terrified at the idea of being unemployed for four years and intimidated by how hard medical school is going to be. What if I'm not disciplined enough?

In wonderful circular serendipity, one of my all time favorite patients, a friendly inspirational and endearing character is back for my last weeks.  I worked with him at the start of my time here and now I get to say goodbye. It's the perfect end to my clinical interactions and a great memory to tide me over until I get back to the floors in two years.

I decided to go to the big city medical school (BCMS).  I was vacillating between the two for months and had decided on small-town nearby because I convinced myself that my quality of life would be better there. (family pressure may have been a factor)

Then BCMS offered me an amazing scholarship thus giving me the freedom to acknowledge that I would be happier in the program and in the city. It was enough to topple even the strongest objections to the choice. Hooray!!

I'm going to the city next month to look for an apartment.  I'm so excited for this summer!




Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Directions

One of the new attendings came up to me today and asked for directions. She was new to the area and not sure on how to get home. She lives next to a major landmark and the drive is pretty straight forward from the hospital, a two-turn trip.

Because she seemed so dubious about my verbal directions, I drew a little map.

Still hesitant, she gratefully watched as I pulled up the google maps version.

Aha!

As she was walking away, I called out: "do you want the map?"

"Oh no, I'll just GPS it. Thanks."

We all laughed about it the rest of the night. So ridiculous!


BTW: Interview invitation Numero Dos esta noche!! ole!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Crying at Work

In Floating, I alluded to the reality that staff on my floor don't always do their jobs thoroughly. It's a major frustration; the onus of work usually falls on the shoulders of only a handful of people.

I get particularly fed up when our manager seems to coddle the biggest transgressors. He does have his favorites. Usually leaving before our shift starts, he's not much of a presence and I've always attributed his lack of enforcing job responsibility to his ignorance of what really happens during the evening.

When I first started, I really liked my manager. He was welcoming and warm and seemed to really try to create a happy work environment. As the first months past, he seemed really receptive to all of my little ideas for the unit, posting bed phone numbers over the information board in each room, changing the location of the linen carts to be more generally accessible etc. I reorganized the way that the medical teams, patients and nurses were listed on our charge board, color coding them to make the information much easier to read. You should have seen the way they did it before, it would take minutes to figure out who the doctor and lead nurse was for each patient! I was allowed to join the unit council (their first aide!) and I thought, despite my lowly status as a grunt, my thoughts, ideas and concerns were being heard. I took on all the training of new PCAs and attended workshops to improve my clinical mentoring skills.

Last month, another aide, ignoring an imminently dangerous situation for the patient, neglected to do something important. I stepped in and performed the required task, then followed the her to the nurses station. I confronted the aide and told her that she could not disregard those types of situations.

Well, she started to cry and complained that she was having a really bad day. Her brother was having oral surgery to have his wisdom teeth removed and she was so anxious about it. She became hysterical,(seriously!) and needed a twenty minute smoke break to regain her composure. Of course, I was rolling my mental eyes the entire time.

The next day, I was called into the NM's office and scolded. He informed me that it was not my place to police my coworkers(!) and that, and I quote, "not everyone has your work ethic". I told him that I was indeed having trouble adjusting to lack of my* work ethic in my coworkers and that my actions stemmed purely from my concern for the patient. He nodded sympathetically and asked me to work on my tolerance.

Of course, I've thought that maybe I was out of line or too harsh with the other aide. I talked it over with one of the nurses who had been present though. She reassured me that it happened as I remembered: 10 seconds of me getting the aide's attention, telling her to do her job and her becoming histrionic. She confessed that she too has been scolded for scolding someone else.

I'm currently looking for a new job** but I'm saddened and frustrated by the entire scenario. I absolutely love the work that my job entails (but not the poop part) and I hate that I'm leaving with such sourness. All that I've read about the evolution of healthcare shows that the culture is one of increasing openness to policing each other in the effort to generate fewer mistakes. To be slapped in the face with the very antithesis was shocking.


*my work ethic being that I actually do my job!
**I did call the 'anonymous' hotline two weeks later for an incident that I wasn't directly involved in. I haven't seen nor heard any outcomes but I hope that someone is looking into the mess that is my unit.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

My Narrow Room

In his sonnet, Nuns Fret Not at Their Convent's Narrow Room, Wordsworth describes the paradoxical liberation of having limits. The cells of a nun, though tiny, can still admit God just as the restrictive form of the sonnet can still accommodate the greatest imagination.

Likewise, my life started out at Versailles. I was overwhelmed with the need to open every door and look through every window. I traveled, wrote, acted, explored different careers and places to live. I studied poetry, literature, history, people and science. As I grew up, I gained the freedom to close doors behind me. I meandered through the palace, enjoying beautiful views and then fastening the windows.

I find myself at the end of a long winding corridor, looking into a small room. Of all the choices, careers and life paths, I chose medicine. This narrow chamber shines with light from a beautiful window and is large enough to fit and small enough to focus all the passion, curiosity and adventure I've found in life. I'm coming home to my narrow room and this blog is a chronicle of that journey.