I hate anatomy and I hate how my instructors are teaching it. Their personalities are fun and their talks can be really entertaining but they're incredibly sexist: 64 slides on the male lower abdomen and sexual organs, ONE slide on the female anatomy, not a single female specific anatomy part on our 'to find' list but 18 male specific anatomy parts and yes we do have female cadavers. I could go on and on with other examples***. I worry that it's not preparing us enough for the boards and clinical but more so I worry that this sort of sexism is pervasive throughout medicine and the course teaches for that.
This block has been tortuous. I've struggled to keep my motivation and bombed my first two exams. I need an 85% on our final to pass the course. I've been gunning the last couple of weeks because the idea of having to repeat this is about the worst nightmare I can think of right now. Besides, if I fail, I lose my scholarship thus costing me 60K. How's that for a perspective?
Last Friday, we had our 1st year radiology final. It was an independent study course that paralleled topics that we covered in our other classes. The game of identifying different structures on different films was awesome. I did well on it and it gave me some much needed confidence and motivation. Anatomy isn't medicine... Anatomy isn't medicine...
I have 4 more exams, including anatomy, in the next two weeks. Then, absolute, no guilt for not studying freedom.
*** Ok, one more example: 'fun' slides demonstrating aging included before/after photographs. For the male examples, we were given various faculty members and politicians. As women, we're expected to age like Sophia Loren and Madonna. ARGGHHHH! Seriously?????
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Invisible
I've noticed a number of constants over the last few weeks of this course. It took me a little while because our lecturers are fun. They joke with each other, poke fun at their favorite students and make a hard (boring) subject entertaining.
They also don't see the 40% of the class that carry two Xs.
None of the students pimped are women. Not ONCE have I heard a female name called out. There's no negativity towards us; we're just ignored.
No examples in any of the pathological examples in lecture are female bodies.
And today during an embryology lecture on the face, the composite photo of variability examples consisted of:
Men Women
1. Harry Truman 1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Michael Jordan 2. little Pakistani girl
3. A 40 something Asian Violinist 3. a perfectly symmetrical Asian teen model
4. Dwight Eisenhower 4. A very young Sharon Stone
5. A Caucasian Marine 5. Tyra Banks
6. Morgan Freeman
7. Geraldo Rivera
Seriously, am I reading too much into this? That the examples of 'variability' for us women are 4 western-world-idealized women and a child?
They also don't see the 40% of the class that carry two Xs.
None of the students pimped are women. Not ONCE have I heard a female name called out. There's no negativity towards us; we're just ignored.
No examples in any of the pathological examples in lecture are female bodies.
And today during an embryology lecture on the face, the composite photo of variability examples consisted of:
Men Women
1. Harry Truman 1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Michael Jordan 2. little Pakistani girl
3. A 40 something Asian Violinist 3. a perfectly symmetrical Asian teen model
4. Dwight Eisenhower 4. A very young Sharon Stone
5. A Caucasian Marine 5. Tyra Banks
6. Morgan Freeman
7. Geraldo Rivera
Seriously, am I reading too much into this? That the examples of 'variability' for us women are 4 western-world-idealized women and a child?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Celebration
So... to celebrate that I scored precisely 5 out of 58 on the practice anatomy practical tonight.. (EEK!)
I've compiled two top 5 lists.
Things that I misplace daily (which is really annoying)
1. The lens cloth for my glasses. My glasses are chronically smudged and I've an unhealthy dependence on wiping them, an act I perform several times an hour. You can call my microfiber lens cloth my security blanket. I refuse to use anything else (besides kimwipes swiped from the lab in desperation) because a) glasses scratch really easily and b) they're insanely expensive. Last night, I emerged from my apartment after 11:00 for the 24 drug store because I direly needed a new cloth. They're like those single socks in the dryer; they up and disappear. This morning, the cloth was gone. Seriously. I set it on my counter and it walked away while I was sleeping.
2. My Ipod nano. It disappears from the gym bag pocket that's its home on a weekly basis only to return (after tearing apartment apart in search) to that same pocket. It's like the traveling garden gnome; at times I half expect postcards of 1.98x10^14 fathoms per fortnight (my nano's moniker because I really am that dorky) posed on the Great Wall.
3. Any important mail. I have the horrible horrible habit of sticking it in the book that I'm currently reading. When I go to retrieve it, I have to try to remember which volume du jour it had been. Books spore you know. You think that you have only a few hundred but then.. you blink... a week passes.. and suddenly you're tearing through thousands looking for the stupid electric bill.
4. My Ipad stylus. Despite the fact that it has an established home, like fathoms- it has pathological wanderlust. I put it in the same pocket of my bag after every class but when I return to put it to work, it's gone! I swear the Bermuda Triangle is legitimate, effective and exists in my bag.
5. My cell phone. I actually don't have a problem with its disappearance days on end. I don't use my phone very often and my family has learned that email is a much more reliable way to get a hold of me. It usually will turn up randomly like when I'm putting groceries away or running a load of laundry.
List II : things my cat eats that she shouldn't
1. My houseplants. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. HAS. BEEN. DESTROYED.
2. My remaining windowsill herb. Apparently, cats love basil.
3. My Ipad charger. ARGGHH!
4. Used Qtips. She unlatched the bathroom door, opened the cupboard and dug out the Qtips. She was on a mission!
5. My favorite pre-school splurge:
Sigh.... I really liked those shoes.
I've compiled two top 5 lists.
Things that I misplace daily (which is really annoying)
1. The lens cloth for my glasses. My glasses are chronically smudged and I've an unhealthy dependence on wiping them, an act I perform several times an hour. You can call my microfiber lens cloth my security blanket. I refuse to use anything else (besides kimwipes swiped from the lab in desperation) because a) glasses scratch really easily and b) they're insanely expensive. Last night, I emerged from my apartment after 11:00 for the 24 drug store because I direly needed a new cloth. They're like those single socks in the dryer; they up and disappear. This morning, the cloth was gone. Seriously. I set it on my counter and it walked away while I was sleeping.
2. My Ipod nano. It disappears from the gym bag pocket that's its home on a weekly basis only to return (after tearing apartment apart in search) to that same pocket. It's like the traveling garden gnome; at times I half expect postcards of 1.98x10^14 fathoms per fortnight (my nano's moniker because I really am that dorky) posed on the Great Wall.
3. Any important mail. I have the horrible horrible habit of sticking it in the book that I'm currently reading. When I go to retrieve it, I have to try to remember which volume du jour it had been. Books spore you know. You think that you have only a few hundred but then.. you blink... a week passes.. and suddenly you're tearing through thousands looking for the stupid electric bill.
4. My Ipad stylus. Despite the fact that it has an established home, like fathoms- it has pathological wanderlust. I put it in the same pocket of my bag after every class but when I return to put it to work, it's gone! I swear the Bermuda Triangle is legitimate, effective and exists in my bag.
5. My cell phone. I actually don't have a problem with its disappearance days on end. I don't use my phone very often and my family has learned that email is a much more reliable way to get a hold of me. It usually will turn up randomly like when I'm putting groceries away or running a load of laundry.
List II : things my cat eats that she shouldn't
1. My houseplants. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. HAS. BEEN. DESTROYED.
2. My remaining windowsill herb. Apparently, cats love basil.
3. My Ipad charger. ARGGHH!
4. Used Qtips. She unlatched the bathroom door, opened the cupboard and dug out the Qtips. She was on a mission!
5. My favorite pre-school splurge:
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Dangling Threads
So far the greatest challenge of medical school for me has been keeping track of all the random ridiculous things that I'm responsible for.
Coming in, I had feared most that I wouldn't be able to manage the actual academics. The coursework though, has been really manageable. In contrast to undergrad, all the professors want us to succeed and work to make things clear and graspable. It's been pretty effortless to do well on the exams.
The overall BCMS organization is really confusing though. There's a daily class calender on our homepage but there are three other websites with pertinent info that we need to be constantly up on.
For example, a couple of months ago, we had a meeting listed on our daily calendar about a mandatory project. The group of us went and during the meeting discovered that we had been required to watch a video beforehand. I had looked around the lecture hall and saw the same WTF faces on everyone else. Afterwards, I spent 45 MINUTES hunting for any clue about the prereq or the video itself. Finally, after discovering, thru a link on a link, I found the assignment. Crap.
During that same hunt, I had stumbled on a service requirement that's due this coming week. Fortunately I made a note then and there and have been assiduously keeping at it. The assignment suggested going to two school departments for assistance but when I went, the folks there had no clue what was required. It seems the project is brand new to our particular class. But there has been no other mention anywhere else. Yesterday, I posted on our class facebook page reminding people about it and immediately received dozens of responses. It seemed that no one else had even known it existed.
It's been a reoccurring nightmare that I overlook something and fall into serious trouble with the school.
Well, this morning, I received THE EMAIL. For every completed course, every individual student is required to complete evaluations. The powers-that-be even send out email reminders. There's even a tab on our homepage leading to the evaluation forms. Believe me, remembering all 20 lecturers for a particular course in order to evaluate them individually is a chore but I pushed through it. Well, it turns out that we're also responsible for evaluating the course in its entirety, link found on a different previously unknown website. Oops.
It burns me that I first hear about this requirement through an email telling me that I didn't complete them and my permanent record has been tagged with a 'concern for professionalism'. I can't help but wonder how many BCMS graduates have been 'tagged for unprofessionalism' because of the insane, confusing way the school HIDES the requirements we are supposed to fulfill. I hope if most of us get a tag here or there, it doesn't make a difference overall. It almost makes me regret letting my classmates know about the service assignment. I could have had lots of company in my unprofessional behavior.
I guess it's an augury for what my future as a physician will be: lot's of weaving unnecessary dangling threads (insurance, paperwork, bureaucracy etc) into a blanket while trying to improve patients' health.
ARGHH! I want to SCREAM!!
Coming in, I had feared most that I wouldn't be able to manage the actual academics. The coursework though, has been really manageable. In contrast to undergrad, all the professors want us to succeed and work to make things clear and graspable. It's been pretty effortless to do well on the exams.
The overall BCMS organization is really confusing though. There's a daily class calender on our homepage but there are three other websites with pertinent info that we need to be constantly up on.
For example, a couple of months ago, we had a meeting listed on our daily calendar about a mandatory project. The group of us went and during the meeting discovered that we had been required to watch a video beforehand. I had looked around the lecture hall and saw the same WTF faces on everyone else. Afterwards, I spent 45 MINUTES hunting for any clue about the prereq or the video itself. Finally, after discovering, thru a link on a link, I found the assignment. Crap.
During that same hunt, I had stumbled on a service requirement that's due this coming week. Fortunately I made a note then and there and have been assiduously keeping at it. The assignment suggested going to two school departments for assistance but when I went, the folks there had no clue what was required. It seems the project is brand new to our particular class. But there has been no other mention anywhere else. Yesterday, I posted on our class facebook page reminding people about it and immediately received dozens of responses. It seemed that no one else had even known it existed.
It's been a reoccurring nightmare that I overlook something and fall into serious trouble with the school.
Well, this morning, I received THE EMAIL. For every completed course, every individual student is required to complete evaluations. The powers-that-be even send out email reminders. There's even a tab on our homepage leading to the evaluation forms. Believe me, remembering all 20 lecturers for a particular course in order to evaluate them individually is a chore but I pushed through it. Well, it turns out that we're also responsible for evaluating the course in its entirety, link found on a different previously unknown website. Oops.
It burns me that I first hear about this requirement through an email telling me that I didn't complete them and my permanent record has been tagged with a 'concern for professionalism'. I can't help but wonder how many BCMS graduates have been 'tagged for unprofessionalism' because of the insane, confusing way the school HIDES the requirements we are supposed to fulfill. I hope if most of us get a tag here or there, it doesn't make a difference overall. It almost makes me regret letting my classmates know about the service assignment. I could have had lots of company in my unprofessional behavior.
I guess it's an augury for what my future as a physician will be: lot's of weaving unnecessary dangling threads (insurance, paperwork, bureaucracy etc) into a blanket while trying to improve patients' health.
ARGHH! I want to SCREAM!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Deflated Like a Flan in a Cupboad*
*partial Eddie Izzard quote..
So my romance with the musician fizzled. All I wanted to do was talk about anything but school and all he wanted was to hear stories about medical school. Besides, he wouldn't listen to any music but his own. Not cool.
The first block of classes has successfully ended. Starting off with material that was familiar and came easily had spoiled me. Now, I'm nervous to all git about this new block: DUM DA DUM... anatomy!...
I like concepts, pick them up pretty quickly and love figuring new ways to apply them. Going into exams for cellular bio, chemistry or the MCAT (I can't believe that I'm admitting this...), I would secretly get excited like I was starting a new trivia pursuit game. Woohoo! A challenge! It was easy to see the trees and not the forest. I would approach each question like I was playing Whac-A-Mole. Long confusing question? BAM! Knock that varmint back in the hole. I would leave the test giddy for all the rodents I had smushed and unconcerned about the few that I knew I missed. We all miss some of the little buggers when they pop up. The significance of the test in the grand scheme never really occurred to me until long after the effect. My nerves have always twisted in those spare seconds before opening the results.
Well.. I just can't seem to get excited about anatomy. No game, nothing to figure out, either I memorized the material or I didn't. I'm really a pretty lazy person and an easily distractible one. This is something of a nightmare: sitting down for four months of nothing but brute memorization on an epic scale.
It's going to be an amazing struggle to keep up with the material. Bah.
Oh.. and herb plant numera tres esta muerta. Descanse en paz, Aloysia Citrodora...
So my romance with the musician fizzled. All I wanted to do was talk about anything but school and all he wanted was to hear stories about medical school. Besides, he wouldn't listen to any music but his own. Not cool.
The first block of classes has successfully ended. Starting off with material that was familiar and came easily had spoiled me. Now, I'm nervous to all git about this new block: DUM DA DUM... anatomy!...
I like concepts, pick them up pretty quickly and love figuring new ways to apply them. Going into exams for cellular bio, chemistry or the MCAT (I can't believe that I'm admitting this...), I would secretly get excited like I was starting a new trivia pursuit game. Woohoo! A challenge! It was easy to see the trees and not the forest. I would approach each question like I was playing Whac-A-Mole. Long confusing question? BAM! Knock that varmint back in the hole. I would leave the test giddy for all the rodents I had smushed and unconcerned about the few that I knew I missed. We all miss some of the little buggers when they pop up. The significance of the test in the grand scheme never really occurred to me until long after the effect. My nerves have always twisted in those spare seconds before opening the results.
Well.. I just can't seem to get excited about anatomy. No game, nothing to figure out, either I memorized the material or I didn't. I'm really a pretty lazy person and an easily distractible one. This is something of a nightmare: sitting down for four months of nothing but brute memorization on an epic scale.
It's going to be an amazing struggle to keep up with the material. Bah.
Oh.. and herb plant numera tres esta muerta. Descanse en paz, Aloysia Citrodora...
Friday, September 14, 2012
What a Wonderful Life
It's been so long since I've written and nothing very significant has happened.
I'm doing very well in my classes. They're not as challenging as I had feared and so I have unexpected free time. I've been reading quite a bit. In anticipation of gross anatomy starting next week, I've been reading Stiff by Mary Roach. It's humorous and irreverent, yet somehow respectful.
I just finished a two hour conversation with my closest friend, an adventurer living on the other side of the world. I investigated and she's now exactly 173 degrees longitude away from me. We hadn't spoken since I started school and it was wonderful to catch up. She's so very different from me; she's amazingly spiritual, artistic and sensitive. She can float through a social event and engage anyone. People remember her laugh decades after meeting her. Somehow our opposites fit perfectly like Emil Fischer's Lock and Key enzymes.
One of our few similarities is our chronic singlehood. We'd rather be alone than in an unsatisfying relationship. Yet over the last few weeks, we've both met someone. Ironically, our new lovers are the ideal for the other!
She's dating a serious, bibliophilic pragmatist and I'm dating the sensitive musician, a bass player.
As I mentioned, school is going really well. I honored my first two courses and have been tapped into tutoring some of my classmates for our upcoming biochem final, a daunting endeavor. Knowing the material enough to do well on a test is one thing; knowing it enough to explain to pedantic, obsessive medical students is something else entirely!
We met our cadavers last week. There was a ceremony. All of the students, the ministry and many of the faculty came. Several students spoke about how this lab defined the true transition into 'doctor training' unlike the distilled science that we were currently studying. During the service, I had stood next to one of our primary science lecturers and I saw hurt in his eyes. Though I felt similarly about the significance of this transition, I felt awful.
Later that week, during a lecture, the professor commented on the ceremony. It wasn't directed specifically toward the student who made the speech but we all understood who the professor meant. The student turned red and slunk into the seat. Facebook encouragement flooded his/her inbox.
Though I was only peripherally affected, the situation made me so uncomfortable. I can easily understand both perspectives and the vulnerabilities of both student and teacher. The professor put in so much work to organize meaningful and useful lectures for us. Facing the boards next year, I know I'll be thankful for the precise and detailed handouts my teacher created. Yet, the anatomy lab is the first diversion from what has essentially been an extension of our undergraduate education. It is symbolic of our transition into medical training.
I face my first standardized patient next week in the hopes of successfully completing a history. If you had asked me last year, I would have never predicted the anxiety I feel now!
I'm doing very well in my classes. They're not as challenging as I had feared and so I have unexpected free time. I've been reading quite a bit. In anticipation of gross anatomy starting next week, I've been reading Stiff by Mary Roach. It's humorous and irreverent, yet somehow respectful.
I just finished a two hour conversation with my closest friend, an adventurer living on the other side of the world. I investigated and she's now exactly 173 degrees longitude away from me. We hadn't spoken since I started school and it was wonderful to catch up. She's so very different from me; she's amazingly spiritual, artistic and sensitive. She can float through a social event and engage anyone. People remember her laugh decades after meeting her. Somehow our opposites fit perfectly like Emil Fischer's Lock and Key enzymes.
One of our few similarities is our chronic singlehood. We'd rather be alone than in an unsatisfying relationship. Yet over the last few weeks, we've both met someone. Ironically, our new lovers are the ideal for the other!
She's dating a serious, bibliophilic pragmatist and I'm dating the sensitive musician, a bass player.
As I mentioned, school is going really well. I honored my first two courses and have been tapped into tutoring some of my classmates for our upcoming biochem final, a daunting endeavor. Knowing the material enough to do well on a test is one thing; knowing it enough to explain to pedantic, obsessive medical students is something else entirely!
We met our cadavers last week. There was a ceremony. All of the students, the ministry and many of the faculty came. Several students spoke about how this lab defined the true transition into 'doctor training' unlike the distilled science that we were currently studying. During the service, I had stood next to one of our primary science lecturers and I saw hurt in his eyes. Though I felt similarly about the significance of this transition, I felt awful.
Later that week, during a lecture, the professor commented on the ceremony. It wasn't directed specifically toward the student who made the speech but we all understood who the professor meant. The student turned red and slunk into the seat. Facebook encouragement flooded his/her inbox.
Though I was only peripherally affected, the situation made me so uncomfortable. I can easily understand both perspectives and the vulnerabilities of both student and teacher. The professor put in so much work to organize meaningful and useful lectures for us. Facing the boards next year, I know I'll be thankful for the precise and detailed handouts my teacher created. Yet, the anatomy lab is the first diversion from what has essentially been an extension of our undergraduate education. It is symbolic of our transition into medical training.
I face my first standardized patient next week in the hopes of successfully completing a history. If you had asked me last year, I would have never predicted the anxiety I feel now!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Exams, Here and Gone
There are a couple of folks in my small group section who 'know everything and are always right'. Ahem. Cough. Cough.
It drives me crazy when they come to a conclusion and then stop without considering another idea. Several times now, an alternative answer has been dismissed or an inconsistency has been pointed out and then ignored. It's not that big of a deal; we're all pretty respectful of each other and, most of the time, we listen to the others' contributions. It's just that, maybe because we're being overwhelmed with new information, there lies a thread of intellectual laziness, an 'I don't understand why- I just memorize the correct answer' attitude.
It's just that I tend to want to look really deeply and make things more complicated. It's a study habit I've had since high school. Wondering "what if?" helps me to really incorporate the material, see it from all angles and prepare for scenarios that may be presented on exams. I know that it's probably annoying when I seem to make mountains out of anthills but there have been several occasions when I've been completely on the mark of what the profs are looking for. (sometimes I'm totally off-base- but we'll disregard that as it doesn't support my point :) )
Anyway, it happened again on 3 of the problems today. Huzzah! I feel so smugly validated at being right. (I'm sure my classmates never noticed, in hindsight, that I gave the correct answer, but I sure did!)
I also honored my first exam!
It drives me crazy when they come to a conclusion and then stop without considering another idea. Several times now, an alternative answer has been dismissed or an inconsistency has been pointed out and then ignored. It's not that big of a deal; we're all pretty respectful of each other and, most of the time, we listen to the others' contributions. It's just that, maybe because we're being overwhelmed with new information, there lies a thread of intellectual laziness, an 'I don't understand why- I just memorize the correct answer' attitude.
It's just that I tend to want to look really deeply and make things more complicated. It's a study habit I've had since high school. Wondering "what if?" helps me to really incorporate the material, see it from all angles and prepare for scenarios that may be presented on exams. I know that it's probably annoying when I seem to make mountains out of anthills but there have been several occasions when I've been completely on the mark of what the profs are looking for. (sometimes I'm totally off-base- but we'll disregard that as it doesn't support my point :) )
Anyway, it happened again on 3 of the problems today. Huzzah! I feel so smugly validated at being right. (I'm sure my classmates never noticed, in hindsight, that I gave the correct answer, but I sure did!)
I also honored my first exam!
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